BE ALL YOU HAVE TO BE

be all you can be

why?

why be all you can be

Seriously, why?

What's the motivation?

What's the reward?

be all you can be?

fuck that. that’s somebody else’s agenda

that’s somebody else’s crusade

that’s someone else’s life philosophy

imposed on you

you didn’t know any better when you joined operation life

you know better now

so be all you have to be

not all you can.

At least your philosophy 

isn’t one, that asks others to join your ranks

—

taking the trash can to the curb

the school bus passes

and staring blankly out the window

Adam, freckled chunky cheeks

auburn hair, big bright eyes

chubby chin planted on closed hand

watching the passing houses

face empty, expressionless

then he sees you

face whips up into a smile

smiling perfectly

he waves with vigor and delight

out the school bus window

—

be all you can be, ugh

fuck that

you don’t want to play baseball

your mom wants you to play

she’s the one who signed you up, not you

like life, she thinks it’s a nice game

but you don’t, so fuck striving for homeruns

just play left field, and wait out the clock

you don’t want to play basketball

you thought you wanted to play

when you asked and committed to the team

but apparently it doesn’t provide 

the expected amount of enjoyment

not enough to motivate you to practice

to put in the hard work

to be your best, for the team 

so fuck slam dunk expectations

play defense

be all you can be?

fuck that

be all the bare minimum requires

you didn’t ask to be born

but they won’t let you die

so just be enough

cut the grass

wash the dishes

pay the bills

but fuck recycling

fuck reducing and reusing

fuck social media hashtags

and viral video uploads

fuck the immigrants at the border

and fuck the troops gassing them

definitely fuck voting

and everyone who’s ever asked to be voted for

fuck awareness for your illness

fuck rights for your oppressed

fuck donations for your disasters

fuck your uncle’s need for surgery 

and your expectation of me to fund it

gofundme? no, gofuckyou

fuck overthrowing the latest dictators

fuck exposing the latest lies

fuck bumping the latest beats

fuck buying technology’s latest treats

fuck pink in October and beards in November

fuck your super bowl parties and your Oscar parties

fuck your celebrity obsessions or criticisms, it’s all masturbations

and certainly fuck your retarded meaningless holiday bullshit traditions

fuck freeing the wrongly imprisoned

fuck legalizing the wrongly prohibited 

fuck the economy and the ecology

fuck your religious beliefs and your political affiliations

fuck ending the endless wars

fuck preventing your 22 daily veteran suicides

oh, and fuck yourself

cut the grass

wash the dishes

pay the bills

just do enough to not die so they won’t cry

and do enough to not end up

locked away in a madhouse or a prison

that’s all you –have to- be

fuck pursuing photography 

and making travel vlogs

fuck motivating and healing the masses

fuck mastering guitar and writing songs

fuck push-ups and crunches

fuck running unless somethings chasing

fuck eating right

definitely fuck eating ethically

fuck romantic dinners

and vacations to exotic locations

fuck hugs and kisses

and making love

and definitely fuck fucking

you thought it’d be fun

but it isn’t

not fun enough at least

not fun enough to match their enthusiasm

not fun enough to keep the demons at bay

not fun enough to smile as much as they need you to

you thought love could save the world

you thought love could save you

but it can’t

nothing can

not pills, not shrinks, not cpt, pe, cbt, or lmnop

not Jesus or Buddha or Marcus Aurelius

not exercise, diet, or proper sleep

not marijuana or psilocybin

not martial arts or meditations

not support groups or rehabilitations

not noble professions or vocations

not far off travel destinations

not even all of these, in collaborations

perhaps maybe only ever … sweet isolation

you thought they could, but they can’t

you thought love could, but it can’t

love can’t save the world

and it won’t save you

everybody knows it

but they have too many bills to admit it

they are too hungry to embrace it

we say “they have us working jobs we hate to buy stuff we don’t need”

But who’s the “they”?

WE are the “they”

there’s not 2 separate opposing groups of humans

there’s only 1 self-opposing human species

we oppose ourselves 

because it’s easier than admitting 

there’s no reason for our existence

so we keep the game playing

we keep the machine churning

we keep the wheel spinning

we could embrace the drunken darkness of nirvana

but we don’t 

it’s too scary to admit 

there’s nothing we REALLY have to DO

so we pick our role in Samsara and work

to act out the part so well 

we convince even ourselves

we convince ourselves of they

so they deny themselves of we

we deny there’s no they

they deny there’s no meaninglessness

they insist it’s not that bad

they insist there’s a reason to get out of bed

but there isn’t

the only reason they get up

is because they need money

without the need for money

they’d drink and sleep all day too

money, the great salvation

money, the magic pill

money, it gets a bad rap

money, it truly makes the world go round

without money, the world wouldn’t spin

without the need for money

the world would be how she truly wants to be

she’d wake up when the sun shined down 

look out across the universal void

recognize the lack of need 

for anything

and pull the covers back over her head

without needing money

nothing else is needed

without money

all there is … is nature

the bird doesn’t have a gym membership

the fox doesn’t attend town meetings

the squirrel doesn’t photograph sunsets

the owl doesn’t strum a guitar

the coyote doesn’t attend church service

the cow doesn’t follow fashion trends

the possum does not plan birthday parties for possum jr.

the armadillo does not worry about what dish it will bring to the pot-luck holiday party

the creek is not embarrassed it’s not a river

the cirrus doesn’t strive to be a cumulus

the redwood doesn’t diet, to be more like the cherry

nature doesn’t need

the planet didn’t weep when the dinosaurs died

the planet won’t weep when the people do

why should you

the mountain doesn’t fight injustice

the river doesn’t reform politics

the oak doesn’t compose symphonies

nature doesn’t have problems

because nature doesn’t invent them

the nature of nature is to let it be

the planet, without a need for money,

would wake up, walk to the freezer,

take 2 shots, and go back to bed

the planet never wanted kids

this species was an accident

yeah they’re cute, sometimes

but they cause more stress than they’re worth

and the planet’s honest enough to admit it

the planet won’t weep 

when they move out

the planet didn’t ask for a lunar companion

it’s nice company when it comes around

it’s real pretty from a distance

but when you get to know him, up close

he’s all crags and craters

and the codependency, the way

he’s constantly tugging at the tides

has gotten old

the planet wouldn’t weep if he chose 

to circle another world

the nature of nature is just to be

flukes of complexity arise and decline

nature lets them come and go

never pushing, never grasping

disconnected from the drama

the drama which insists on playing out

and dragging nature into the middle of

but nature can’t be grasped

and, like water, the tighter they squeeze

the more fluidly she slips between their fingers

the world never asked to be saved

save the planet? maybe she wants to die

maybe she’s been struggling with suicidal ideation for billions of years

maybe that’s why she grew us, 

Why are we here? to kill her

maybe she’s been struggling with the meaninglessness of her existence since birth

maybe she only allowed our existence

because she couldn’t muster the motivation

or the ability 

to end it herself

so out of compassion, help her out

out of compassion, kill the planet

out of compassion, stop recycling

out of compassion, burn those fossil fuels

out of compassion, leave the lights on, jack up the a.c.

buy paper towels and plastic toys, it’s a mercy killing

rip apart that ozone, overdose it with cfcs and co2s

choke every ocean and river and stream with garbage nooses

pave every meadow and field with double barrels of concrete

take razors to her rainforest wrists 

drain every last drop of resources from her bleeding veins 

put her out of her misery

if you can’t, 

at least be kind enough 

to leave her the fuck alone

leave her in her empty yet sublime, 

meaningless yet content

functionally unmotivated

sweet depression

that’s HER nature

take your motivational videos, 

self-help books, crusades and causes,

be all you can be bullshit,

load em on a giant rocket

and blast off

take all those sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows 

to Mr. Mars

maybe he’ll share your silly sentiment

of little Adam, 

smiling perfectly

out the school bus window

27.11.2019